


Those Meddling Kids

by pixiePique



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Evil Plans, F/M, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, What Have I Done, have I mentioned that all their friends are really good at messing with shit, karkat and kanaya are totally flushed though, like totally, seriously, they're fucking excellent at it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-29
Updated: 2013-12-23
Packaged: 2017-12-27 22:45:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/984497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pixiePique/pseuds/pixiePique
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kanaya is sad. Karkat is confused. Everyone else is conniving.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kannondorf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kannondorf/gifts).



"Maybe I would stand still if you weren't stabbing me in the back with a fucking safety pin!"  
You are Karkat Vantas, and Kanaya is making you a suit.  
We'll, she's making a suit *for* you. She's making *you* a pincushion.  
"Well, if somebody would stop insulting my seamstress skills, my finger might not slip as much."  
"Kanaya, you are really and truly a conniving little stitch-witch. Can I stop being Gogdamn assaulted now?"  
"I'll try to control myself."  
"I fucking hate you."  
"I love you too, Karkat."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry.  
> #sorry not sorry


	2. Chapter 2

You love Kanaya. She's pretty, accomplished, and she can go from fashionista to fussyfangs to deadly with a chainsaw in the time it takes for you to criticize her stitch work.  
Those qualities are hard to find in a girl nowadays.  
But you mean, you like her as a friend. You could never see her as a potential matesprit. You know each other too well. When someone's held your hair back while you vomited as many times as Kan has for you, romance is kind of out of the question.  
Plus, she has Lalonde.  
Not that she and Rose are in a relationship. At least, they better not be. They are completely wrong for each other as matesprits. Does Kanaya even pity her that way? Does Kan pity anyone that way?  
You don't even know, do you?  
Karkat: ---> quit being such a pensive motherfucker and pay some attention to your best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is going to be more of this.  
> I hope you are happy, K.


	3. Chapter 3

"So Kan, how are you?"  
She smirks at you. "Do you think if I were less than fine, I would be fitting you with a suit right now?"  
You know her too well for this. "Yes."  
Her careful smirk involuntarily morphs into a gentle smile. "Fair enough. I'm quite alright. And yourself?"   
You could have guessed. Kan is nothing if not polite.  
"I'm fucking peachy." Here you hesitate. The reaction is definitely going to be bad, but you have to know. "How are your quadrants?"  
Green flushes her cheeks and she looks almost outraged, until she sighs and let's the emotion drain from her face, the color following close behind. "Empty, as always." Her voice isn't sad, although the words are. She sounds dead rather than sorrowful, a delicate butterfly who has resigned itself to its squished and dark fate. "Except, of course, for auspiticism." Here she adds in an unconvincing chuckle before letting the melancholy take over her features once again.  
You turn to face her, stabbing yourself with and unpinning half of the pins in the process. The suit? Damn the suit, your friend is sad. "Oh, Kan. What's with the sad face? You never seemed to have a problem with that shit before."  
Her chin drops and you can hear a slight quaver in her voice as she says "The quadrants stay the same, but my heart's longing does not."  
She is being an overly poetic drama queen. But she's your overly poetic drama queen. So you swallow your normal chatty what-the-fuckery and wrap the sad troll in a hug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FEEEEEELINGS  
> WOAH WOAH WOAH


	4. Chapter 4

You are hugging Kanaya, and Kanaya is hugging you back.  
You can't tell if that is the exhilarating feeling of your heart empathizing with hers, or the slightly wet feeling of her green tears staining your shirt.  
Emotion feels perilously close to moist.  
"Karkat, I love you."  
Wait.  
What?  
You can't tell what kind of pity you're feeling, only that it is overwhelming you as if it were a giant pity tunnel wave, and you a infinitesimal speck of a surfer. And not even a good tiny surfer. A really dumb one, like the penguin from that stupid earth movie the Jade human made you watch. And even though it was stupid, you got really invested in it, and you just had no idea what would happen with him and that cute lifeguard penguin...  
Apparently holding Kan in your arms has given you the power to ramble like her. Gog help you.  
You don't know what to say back. Love? That's a human construct. She must be using it in a culturally blended way to replace pity. But which kind of pity? You can't tell. It would be easier if one quadrant was filled, but sadly (for you and for her) they are both wide open.  
You decide right then and there to fill one of them- pressing your face into her soft hair to stifle the "which one?" that was about to come out of your mouth.  
"Karkat, did you say something?"  
You hadn't realized you had whispered that into her hair.  
Fuck.  
Your limbs are rigid with anxiety. You are apparently in this hug for the long haul, like a stalwart soldier on the front lines. With hypothermia. And tetanus.  
"Karkat?"  
You let a sigh ruffle her soft locks and relax your appendages, embracing her rather than trapping her.   
Even though love is a human thing, even though you are confused and scared, you ignore every shred of common sense you have ever owned and say...  
"I love you too, Kanaya."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AW BABIES  
> Too bad this isn't the end.  
> *evil laugh*


	5. Chapter 5

Rose:---> Concoct Evil Scheme  
"Heh heh heh."  
"Rose, I am waiting."  
"One moment, Kanaya."   
"I cannot help but feel a bit annoyed with you. I invite you for tea, and you let it grow cold while you rummage through my computer. In addition, your periodic snickers sound ominous and are aggravating my headache."  
You grudgingly close down her husktop and push yourself out of her sinfully comfortable computer chair. Walking into the kitchen, you hand her the tray of tea and open the medicine cabinet, removing the ibuprofen you had placed there.  
You hand it to her with a wry smirk. "Peculiar. I seem to know my way around your hive better than you do."  
She gives you a look of disdain. "There is no need for your human sarcasm Rose, I was simply trying to deter my headache using traditional methods of having your friend shut their ignorance tunnel before injecting myself with human poison."   
She frowns, regretting her outburst- but not wishing to appear weak by apologizing. Instead, she goes for stern mom rather than angry roommate. "Thank you for making the tea. Come along and drink it before it turns into tea-flavored shaved ice."  
With a haughty turn of her head, she takes the tea into the dining room.  
You smile and place the medication back on its shelf. Little does Kan know that you are smiling not at her, but to yourself.  
My God, you sound like the mustachioed villain in a silent melodrama.  
You are momentarily amused by the fact that it actually is a dark and stormy night.  
"Oh my God, Rose! Focus!!!"  
You rue the day you installed pesterchum on your headband.  
In addition to the day you made it telepathic.  
And the day you gave Jade access.  
"Rose Lalonde. Is the plan go or what?!?!"  
"Oh, Jade."  
You glance at the dining room entryway and place the empty bottle of Everclear back in your purse.  
An evil grin spreads across your face as you smooth your skirt and stride towards the door.  
"The plan is most definitely go."  
A thousand miles away, a girl sits in her bedroom, chewing mint gum and smiling as wide as physics will allow.  
"Tea time, bitches."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huzzah for meddling!


	6. Chapter 6

"Kanaya's quadrants are depressingly empty."  
"If you don't like it, why don't you help us fix it? Like I have been asking you to for the last forty five minutes!"  
"Oh, it's not that I care. It's just reeeeaaally annoying when little miss fussyfangs goes from talking about nothing but fashion and table etiquette to talking about nothing but," She rolls her eyes with a ridiculously dramatic sigh. "Pity quadrants."  
You're Jade Harley, and talking to Vriska is difficult shit.  
First of all, she's presumptuous. Example: the time she told you that lime was passé. Lime is just a color! Colors can't go in and out of style! They're colors! Not that it matters, since you can't see them. Still, it's the principle of the thing. And you fully trust Kanaya to help you shop for things in lime.  
Even Kanaya knows that lime is some classic shit.  
Another thing: Vriska is not a dog person. You hate that about her. It's not that you've ever seen her with a pet (because let's be honest. She would probably kill it. And not entirely on accident, either), but you can tell. She's cunning, snarky, mean, sneaky, and ambitious. Cattributes if you've ever seen them.  
God, you hate cats.  
"You are such a bitch." You give up.  
"Flattery will get you nowhere." She winks at you. Fucking winks at you!  
Your vision goes hazy, and you feel an overwhelming urge to poison her tea, or rip out her throat, or maybe just set that spiked fence she calls a manicure on fire.  
Then you remember why you're here.  
Karkat and Kanaya.  
Your friends need you!  
Why?  
They're in love. Hopelessly, helplessly, horns over heels in love.  
They just don't know it yet.  
And it's your job to tell them!  
Well, you've made it your job. Which is basically the same thing. And while Vriska may act like a cat, you act like a dog! And dogs are persistent. This is your job, and you are going to get it done. Even if it takes you the rest of your natural life. Even if you have to set yourself on fire.  
Even if you have to be nice to Vriska.  
"Okay Jade. You can do this. Deep breaths. It will all be over soon."  
"What was that?" Vriska looks at you sharply.  
Shit. You hadn't realized you'd said that out loud.  
"Um, I said, um... That.... Uh..... It would really be in your... Er... Best interests to help me!" You pick a train of thought and run with it. "If Karkat and Kanaya get together, they'll both be much happier! And they'll probably spend a lot more time together... Which means they'll spend less time around you! And the time they do spend around you will involve a lot less complaining. And then you'll probably be much..."  
You look at her, trying to decide if she can even feel human emotions. You know that's racist, and you would never say that about any other of your troll friends, but with Vriska you seriously wonder. Her face, while not a shaded poker face like Dave's, never betrays what she's really thinking. Beneath that smug smirk plastered on, you can't tell whether she really cares about anything at all. Besides herself, of course. You realize that you have no idea what her life has been like, or how she's doing, or anything. The girl is a complete enigma. For all you know, the chick's life has been nothing but fiery irons and smugness and spiders and dice. It's like she was raised by the arachnid mafia. You feel like a terrible friend and a terrible person for not even trying to get to know her better. What is your secret, Serket? Do you have feelings under that bitchy exoskeleton? You realize you're staring and attempt to finish, or even remember, your sentence.  
"Happier?"  
You can't help the questions mark that ends what was supposed to be a statement, not to mention your one (if half-assed) convincing argument.  
She cocks her head and stares at you, and you can see the confusion in her eyes. The smirk has slipped, and you can see the question in her eyes.  
Happiness? What's that? They seem to say.  
Your heart aches as you realize that she is sad. You feel bad now for assuming that she didn't have problems just like the rest of you. You feel bad, remembering all the times she helped everyone with their problems and nobody thought to ask about hers. You even feel bad for calling her a bitch.  
You never thought you'd say that.  
"Tell you what," you say to her, smiling gently, "let's discuss it over coffee."  
She smiles, taken aback, and reaches for her purse.  
"Oh no," you stop her hand. "It's on me."  
As you walk out the door, you realize that you've completely forgotten about your mission. But that's okay. Your friend is sad.  
You're sure Karkat can manage to keep it in his pants for another few hours.  
"Jade, would you like to be one of the first to be honored with the patented Serket story about the time my lusus took down a doctor pepper truck and I had to distract the entire New York city police department using my feminine wiles so she could escape?"  
There is now a genuine smile on your face.  
"Abso-fucking-lutely."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was going to take this one direction and then I was like "oh shit I love vriska and she never gets any character development past the bitchy stage" so it kinda veered left and flew off a cliff and now I kinda ship Vriska/Jade?  
> Its going to be a weird day.


End file.
